Option B.
Over a year ago I picked up the book Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant. It spoke to me right away. I got through about half of it sometime ago and then it ended up at the bottom of my book pile. I recently picked it up again and reread some chapters and finished out the ones I hadn't gotten to. It's all so relatable. Sheryl lost her husband. Her kids lost their dad. Her mother-in-law lost her son. Her brother-in-law lost his brother. Their friends lost a friend. And the web goes on. Loss affects many people. We touch many lives in our time here on earth.
I could pull something great from every chapter or even page, but today this spoke to me.
"But just as grief crashes into us like a wave, it also rolls back like the tide. We are left not just standing, but in some ways stronger. Option B still gives us options. We can still love ... and we can still find joy. I now know that it's possible not just to bounce back but to grow. Would I trade this growth to have Dave back? Of course. No one would ever choose to grow this way. But it happens - and we do. As Allen Rucker wrote about his paralysis, "I won't make your skin crawl by saying it's a 'blessing in disguise.' It's not a blessing and there is no disguise. But there are things to be gained and things to be lost, and on certain days, I'm not sure that the gains are not as great as, or even greater than, the inevitable losses." Tragedy does not have to be personal, pervasive, or permanent, but resilience can be. We can built it and carry it with us throughout our lives. ...we can all find strength within ourselves and build strength together. There is light within each of us that will not be extinguished."
This applies to any tragedy and trial in our lives. One year ago yesterday I decided to share with the Facebook world my struggles. It's hard to be open and vulnerable like that. To be honest, I was shocked reading it again, it was so poetic. Did I actually write that? Some days I find the strength to say what I want to say and others listen. My physical therapist is really good at asking me hard questions. Questions that most people are afraid to ask. But he always says them so carefree. And because of that I'm able to honestly answer. Many times I want to say, "Ugh, I dont know. That's a hard question." But it forces me to think and dig deep. Yesterday he asked about my blog and why I started it or how it came about. The blog is for me to put my thoughts into words. More and more it's about being a voice for others who aren't ready to speak. Everyone has a story or multiple stories. Sometimes I'm their guinea pig, to see if I actually heal. Sometimes I'm here to remind others how to treat those who are hurting. And sometimes, I just like to put thoughts out there and make people think.
Grief doesn't go away, it becomes part of us. It doesn't have to define us. I miss my dad, I miss my grandma, I miss Jenna, I miss Joe, I miss Madlox, I miss Ryan, I miss my grandpas, and I miss me. That is just those that come to mind in a flash. All of those people (and cat) are a part of me. Their memories are still strong. And I love that the simplest thing triggers those memories. My friend Ryan died our Freshman year of high school. I had only just met him in 7th grade. I can still picture clear as day a conversation we had by the pop machines at school during a break from snowmobile training class. He had a grin like no other, one that you'll never forget. Just like my dad! Isn't it crazy how you can still hear their voices? I can still hear Joe's laugh. I can still hear my dad's favorite phrases. Many times when I do something I can hear my dad's response. It's become quite comforting. It doesn't always take the pain away... these wonderful memories. But it does bring light to the darkness.
The holidays are approaching us. It can be a really tough time for many people despite the joy that the season is supposed to bring. Be kind to everyone. If you know it's someone's first without their loved one, go out of your way to give them a hug, send them a card, or even just send them thoughts of comfort. That first time is a whirlwind of denial and emptiness. And sometimes it's the same for the second, third, tenth, twentieth, and so on. But like Sheryl said, we can build resilience and strength together.
Today is my parent's wedding anniversary. There was a blizzard the day they got married! The first time my mom laid eyes on my dad he was playing Oliver in a play. She will tell you that he was, "SO CUTE!" This past weekend and this coming weekend the Merely Players are doing the show Oliver in town. Coincidence? Or just a happy reminder for me every day driving to the Y when I pass the sign.
Send my mama some love <3
I could pull something great from every chapter or even page, but today this spoke to me.
"But just as grief crashes into us like a wave, it also rolls back like the tide. We are left not just standing, but in some ways stronger. Option B still gives us options. We can still love ... and we can still find joy. I now know that it's possible not just to bounce back but to grow. Would I trade this growth to have Dave back? Of course. No one would ever choose to grow this way. But it happens - and we do. As Allen Rucker wrote about his paralysis, "I won't make your skin crawl by saying it's a 'blessing in disguise.' It's not a blessing and there is no disguise. But there are things to be gained and things to be lost, and on certain days, I'm not sure that the gains are not as great as, or even greater than, the inevitable losses." Tragedy does not have to be personal, pervasive, or permanent, but resilience can be. We can built it and carry it with us throughout our lives. ...we can all find strength within ourselves and build strength together. There is light within each of us that will not be extinguished."
This applies to any tragedy and trial in our lives. One year ago yesterday I decided to share with the Facebook world my struggles. It's hard to be open and vulnerable like that. To be honest, I was shocked reading it again, it was so poetic. Did I actually write that? Some days I find the strength to say what I want to say and others listen. My physical therapist is really good at asking me hard questions. Questions that most people are afraid to ask. But he always says them so carefree. And because of that I'm able to honestly answer. Many times I want to say, "Ugh, I dont know. That's a hard question." But it forces me to think and dig deep. Yesterday he asked about my blog and why I started it or how it came about. The blog is for me to put my thoughts into words. More and more it's about being a voice for others who aren't ready to speak. Everyone has a story or multiple stories. Sometimes I'm their guinea pig, to see if I actually heal. Sometimes I'm here to remind others how to treat those who are hurting. And sometimes, I just like to put thoughts out there and make people think.
Grief doesn't go away, it becomes part of us. It doesn't have to define us. I miss my dad, I miss my grandma, I miss Jenna, I miss Joe, I miss Madlox, I miss Ryan, I miss my grandpas, and I miss me. That is just those that come to mind in a flash. All of those people (and cat) are a part of me. Their memories are still strong. And I love that the simplest thing triggers those memories. My friend Ryan died our Freshman year of high school. I had only just met him in 7th grade. I can still picture clear as day a conversation we had by the pop machines at school during a break from snowmobile training class. He had a grin like no other, one that you'll never forget. Just like my dad! Isn't it crazy how you can still hear their voices? I can still hear Joe's laugh. I can still hear my dad's favorite phrases. Many times when I do something I can hear my dad's response. It's become quite comforting. It doesn't always take the pain away... these wonderful memories. But it does bring light to the darkness.
The holidays are approaching us. It can be a really tough time for many people despite the joy that the season is supposed to bring. Be kind to everyone. If you know it's someone's first without their loved one, go out of your way to give them a hug, send them a card, or even just send them thoughts of comfort. That first time is a whirlwind of denial and emptiness. And sometimes it's the same for the second, third, tenth, twentieth, and so on. But like Sheryl said, we can build resilience and strength together.
Today is my parent's wedding anniversary. There was a blizzard the day they got married! The first time my mom laid eyes on my dad he was playing Oliver in a play. She will tell you that he was, "SO CUTE!" This past weekend and this coming weekend the Merely Players are doing the show Oliver in town. Coincidence? Or just a happy reminder for me every day driving to the Y when I pass the sign.
Send my mama some love <3
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