WHEN THINGS FALL APART: PART 1

written by Benjamin Suker

I’ve spent a large part of the last decade as the one holding things together, even when the world feels like it’s crumbling all around.  We’ve lost several people close to us, some unexpectedly, some we watched suffer for years.  Most of you are aware Ashlee has been dealing with chronic illness, and we are hopefully close to some relief for her.  Her & I often have conversations about how the narrative around her health issues is difficult for people to wrap their head around.  How there isn’t awareness yet, and how perspectives are different for diseases like cancer.  Well….. damn.

After Ashlee recommended I have a mole looked at, and a nearly 4 month referral wait, I met with a dermatologist Friday, March 15th.  I didn’t think much of it, spent the last 40 years feeling nearly invincible.  The next week Otis spent 2 nights in the hospital, he’s doing okay, but the fact that this is a footnote to the story is a sign of how chaotic things have been.  

Ashlee, Violet & I drove to Oklahoma City Wednesday March 20th, for Ashlee’s angiogram and to have a LITTLE bit of fun in the process.  As I lay my head down that night I received a notification that the results are back from my mole removal.  I logged in, read the pathology report, didn’t know what anything meant, other than two words… cancer & melanoma.  

I was in shock, but wasn’t about to tell anyone, tomorrow was a very big day in Ashlee’s health journey.  I kept this to myself, researched what these big words meant and tried to not to let this be a buzzkill on the trip.  We made it through Thursday, Ashlee did great in her angiogram, and I was staring the idea of my mortality right in my face.  As I researched things seemed to be pretty good, but I wouldn’t get a call from my Dr. until Friday while Ashlee, Violet & I were at Magnolia Market in Waco.  This was great because I was able to talk to the Dr while they shopped, still my secret.  Violet thought I was mad, Ashlee thought I was watching March Madness.

Here’s the details:

Stage 2 Melanoma.  A 1.2mm thick tumor with no signs of spread to my lymph, no ulceration, no mitosis.  Stage 2 Melanoma

The trip continued to Austin, TX and we thoroughly enjoyed our time there.  Ate delicious food, met up with friends, swam in the rooftop pool and explored a bit.  The girls flew home Sunday morning, and I made the drive by myself.  20 hours of driving, 20 hours to sit on this information.  I drove to hot Springs National Park, did a 2 mile hike, had a bonfire, slept in the prius and checked another NP off the list. 

I called my sister Annie and told her the news, talked to another great Friend and talked things through it with him.  I returned home Monday night and let Ashlee know we had an appointment with a surgeon the next morning at 8am.  

The surgeon estimated there's a 91% chance the melanoma is already out of my body, minus the margins they’ll clean up with surgery.  That means there’s a 9% chance there’s something there, if it was 10% they would recommend doing a Lymphoscintigraphy, and since I plan on being here for a long time I opted to do it. The lymphoscintigraphy showed that if the mole was draining it would be heading to my left armpit.  

So today, April 8th, during a Solar Eclipse, I’ll be having surgery.  In surgery they will cut about a 4cm circle out of my back to make sure they have clean margins.  They’ll cut more and stitch it back together as nicely as they can.  They’re also removing the sentinel lymph node under my armpit.  Again, the odds of that were around 9%, but since I hope to have several good years left Ashlee & I both thought it was best to find out for sure.  Assuming things come back clean, I'll be meeting with a dermatologist quarterly for a while.  If test results aren’t good, well then there might be a lot of 4 letter words.

After surgery I’ll be on a lifting restriction of 10-20 pounds for 4-6 weeks.  Otis is 22.5ish pounds, so he’s borderline.  Surgeon said my pain would let me know if it was too much.  I’m glad we were able to get this done quickly, for a number of reasons, including me being healthy enough and off lifting restrictions for Ashlee’s surgery sometime in May or very early June.  

So that’s the state of the Suker Family these days, where a 16-month-old spending 2 nights in the hospital is practically a footnote.  

Read on to Part 2