One Year Ago Today ...

I stepped away from work to take care of me. I’ve been thinking a lot about this day approaching. It’s attached with many emotions, but mostly, I’m just so proud of how far I’ve come. I didn’t know what was going to happen when I took a leave from work. I mean I planned, but I knew that my plan might not work out. And it didn’t. I hoped a month would be enough and I could return part-time for awhile. I think I always knew deep down that it wouldn’t, but I’m stubborn and didn’t want that to be the case. So stubborn that I did make myself go back to work only to leave again after two weeks. I’ll be honest, it felt like failure. But at that time I sought out a new doctor and nutritionist after watching hours of virtual seminars. Besides being inspired by their knowledge, I ultimately just went with my gut. And I’m so glad I did. Was it easy? Did it work in an instant? Heck no! There was a lot of trial and error at the start. I think the biggest takeaway is that I learned how to listen to myself and speak up. I don’t fit into a category or a path already taken. I had to pave my own, kind of like square peg, round hole. Though I’m not 100% miraculously healed, I’ve come a long ways. If I could stand next to the Ashlee from one year ago, I bet you’d say “holy shit!”. My favorite comments as of late is when I sit down and chat with someone I haven’t seen in awhile and they say, “you’re glowing!” or “you have your spark again!”. It’s like drinking a bottle of sunshine that warms me to my core, I’ve made it! Just thinking about all of those hard days gives me a sinking feeling in my gut. So today, we’re just going to celebrate and embrace how far I’ve come. I can’t thank all of you cheerleaders enough! My list would be so long if I wrote every single person down that lifted me up in one way or another. I just hope you know who you are! Whether it was a text, a hug, a shoulder to cry on, a card, a gift, a smile… it all meant the world to me and still does. I wouldn’t be where I am without all of you. I have to give an extra big shout out to Ben though. For weathering another storm with me. I can honestly say that we are stronger now having gone through this. And of course, my momma! She loves so big and is so generous. It turns out I will always be her baby, even as an adult 😉