my vitamin b.
Ben recently informed me that he's my vitamin b! And yes, I laughed a lot at this. I laughed because it's true. Most B vitamins help with energy and I would say that Ben does in fact do that. He's that person that just makes me feel better just by being there. I hope all of you are fortunate to have someone like that in your life. I'm so lucky. Real talk about vitamins though. Many of you probably know that there are 8 types of B vitamins, but have you ever wondered why there are gaps in the numbers? Well, it turns out the ones in the gaps were once thought of as vitamins, but now they no longer consider them vitamins. It's like Pluto! They just kicked them out! But things are always changing, so B15 could make a come back. You just never know.
So we left off last time with me struggling with my gut. I started begrudgingly making celery juice again. And once again it's saving my life. So maybe I should stop being a pill about it and hum delightfully as I put together my juicer in gratefulness for the gift of celery and it's healing abilities. I am actually grateful, which is why I recruit a child to help me when I make it so that it's a more enjoyable experience. They think it's the coolest thing ever and they aren't wrong. It's fascinating to watch. I'm sure many of you think this sounds ridiculous. But as with anything, what works for one person may not work for another. I finished off my pitcher last Saturday, so I didn't have any ready for first thing Sunday morning. I typically drink a glass straight away (as Violet would say) when I get up in the morning. Anyhow, I didn't have any and this was the result: My large intestine literally felt like someone scraped it out leaving it completely raw and inflamed. And THEN someone punched me repeatedly in the obliques and mid-back leaving me bruised and sore. That is what I felt like all day. I finally did make celery juice late that afternoon, drank a glass, and things were more calm by bedtime. It sounds made up and I sound dramatic, I know. But it's just the best way I can describe it rather than being vague and saying... my stomach hurt. Now is this juice solving all of my problems and I'm over here eating a burrito? No. There is definitely not a burrito, but I wish there was. I'm still taking a handful of pills right before anything I eat. And I'm eating veggie soup, mushy bananas, seeds, chia seed pudding, protein shakes, fresh pressed juice (thank you WYSIWYG for supplying me with other kinds I don't have the energy to make), tea, and lots of water. So sometimes I lie around fantasizing about a bowl of Pad Thai. And other times I lie around with the thought of food making me feel sick. You just never know what's going to happen each hour. But I do know not to act on the food fantasies, because it never ends well. ugh.
And I know what you're wondering... Why the H-e-double hockey sticks is this happening? I want to know too, so please tell me. j/k I kind of know and will try to explain. It's because my cell danger response is stuck. My mitochondria isn't performing well and is not healthy, therefore my body is having a difficult time healing. Summary: I'm in SURVIVAL MODE.
The science-y version (skip if you wish):
Mitochondria is the key to healing. Each non-red blood cell in our body contains thousands of mitochondria. They are the power generators of the cells. They create energy by converting oxygen and nutrients into ATP and also communicate with the body. They are either in the cell keeping everything working or outside of the cell signaling the immune system. So when the body/cells are stressed due to injury, pathogens, etc. the mitochondria produces extracellular ATP (mitokine) to go outside of the cell and signal danger and inhibit the cell danger response.
There are three stages of the healing cycle (cell danger response). This is the same process for something as minor as a cut all the way to complex disease. And no matter what it is, it has to walk through the steps to get to healing. In the example of a cut, CDR1- cut bleeds, CDR2- scabs over, CDR3- recovers/heals. So for each cell it cannot go to the next step until the previous step is fully completed and the mitochondrial function is ready. Each type of injury/stress is going to involve different types of cells and communication. If it's complex enough it will signal systemically (throughout the entire body).
CDR1 (cell danger response 1) is devoted to damage control, innate immunity, inflammation and clean up. The amount of inflammation is dependent on the need. Things that can trigger CDR1 are bacteria, fungi, protozoa, viruses, and biological or chemical toxins, basically any mental or physical stress. Once this response is initiated it can't go back to the way it was. It has to go through the whole cycle. So if your mitochondria and cells get stuck in a phase for a period of time it can create a disorder. Some that are linked to CDR1 are allergies, asthma, skin disorders, candida, lyme disease, h. pylori, malaria, and parasite infections, to name a few.
CDR2 is like the stem cell stage. It's when formation and regeneration of cells is happening, it recruits stem cells to do that. This can start once CDR1 damage is cleared or contained. Some disorders linked to this phase are diabetes, heart disease, IBDs, pulmonary fibrosis, and cancers/leukemias.
CDR3 is when the formation and regeneration have stopped. So they now have to differentiate and decide what to become, what organ-specific functions to be. Disorders linked to stalling in this stage are autism, POTS/PANS/PANDAS, chronic fatigue, PTSD, fibromyalgia, OCD, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, migraines, Parkinsons, Alzheimers, Rheumatoid arthritis, MS, and many other autoimmune disorders, eczema, psoriasis, and IBS.
Anytime you're entering this cycle your hormone release is going to be slowed. Which is why people with chronic illness have so many hormone issues. So this all plays back to the mitochondria and how important it is to have it functioning well so you can heal. If it's not functioning well you also have to find the underlying cause. There's a bit more to this, but I'm going to stop. If you want to learn more about it you can find a video explanation here. It's episode 89. PM me for my login or create your own.
SKIP TO HERE if you wished to skip the science explanation ----------->
Some people are able to remove the underlying issues and make it through the cell danger response without too many hiccups. That's not me. I'm not in that category. So the new information about how important of a role the mitochondria plays may help us. They've had a few other patients continually get stuck like I have. They've found that if they push through and up the dose of their MitoATP supplement they make a breakthrough in healing. Up until this point I've only tolerated a few drops of the supplement and we always just back down the dose when things get too challenging. Well... the new plan is to just push through and feel wiped out for a few days in hopes that by day 3 or 4 I start to feel a lift in symptoms. I haven't figured out exactly when I'm going to do this, but SOON. That supplement I mentioned awhile back that ran out of stock is FINALLY back in stock. So I'm waiting to get that before I start.
We did run a lab to see if there were any infections/bacteria we were unaware of. Everything came back in range except for one type of mold. So this is good news in that most of the molds that were high this time last year have gone down to acceptable levels. So yay for that! I'm hoping that if we can just get my cell function back to running properly then my body will just be able to handle the rest.
As everyone is well aware these are some interesting times we are in right now. I'm grateful that I have my 'vitamin b' and my mama being superheroes. This isn't different from any other time in terms of that, but it really shines right now. Meanwhile, I'm surviving and working. Ben reminds me that even though I don't feel like it, that I'm doing a great job. I don't know if he fully knows how much it means to hear that from time to time. It's easy to get down and out, so the mental piece is just as much a battle as the physical some days. I can tell sometimes he wants to panic, go on vacation, and make the best of life right now in case we can't later. And then I just say, "I'm too strong willed to die". Sometimes you just have to humor through these things. He responded, "you mean stubborn"! Either way, it comes in handy.
I have my vulnerable moments with people that aren't Ben or my mom or my therapist. And it's just really hard letting my guard down, but sometimes it's like a dam that breaks and I just have to share with someone. And then I word vomit all my thoughts, it's scary. I feel better afterwards until I realize what I just did and immediately want to apologize. Like wow, I'm so sorry I just put you through that. But I stop myself if I can. Sometimes I just change the apology to words of appreciation instead, because I really did need them in that moment. And I would do the same for anyone else in a heartbeat. Listen and comfort when they just want the pain to be over. Or listen to anything they just want to talk about in general. There are exceptions when I'm feeling heavy myself and can't take in much else. But most of the time I'm able to push it aside and welcome a distraction. It's not easy being that person, feeling helpless and unable to fix it for someone. I'm fully aware of how hard it must be to be married to me ;) I mean married to someone with health issues and work and have two kids and a cat and so on. But maybe just being married to me in general is challenging. haha! Things are never boring here that's for sure. Anyhow, if you've been on the receiving end of my vulnerability, I appreciate you! I can think of one person's cubicle I've cried in more times than I can count. That's a true rockstar friend! And if you know of someone going through some of what I have, please send them my way. It helps to not feel alone in this and share notes. We all know I've tried countless different things. If you're reading this... please don't give up! We are going to come out of this like blinding rays of sunshine. Ashlee Suker Elite Pro version 6.0 - full of life, energy, wit, and an unbreakable beam of optimism. Something like that anyhow. Who knows what version I'm actually on. But I wouldn't be here without all of those that have listened and comforted me in the hard times. People don't always realize how important that role actually is. You've probably helped so much more than you actually think just by being there.
This was long. Applause to those who made it through. I will check back in to let you know if our new tactic is helping or not. Links listed below to products I use. Never hesitate to reach out to me and ask questions if you want to know more about anything and everything.
Lastly, this is me after my motivational mental talk to myself Tuesday evening.
So we left off last time with me struggling with my gut. I started begrudgingly making celery juice again. And once again it's saving my life. So maybe I should stop being a pill about it and hum delightfully as I put together my juicer in gratefulness for the gift of celery and it's healing abilities. I am actually grateful, which is why I recruit a child to help me when I make it so that it's a more enjoyable experience. They think it's the coolest thing ever and they aren't wrong. It's fascinating to watch. I'm sure many of you think this sounds ridiculous. But as with anything, what works for one person may not work for another. I finished off my pitcher last Saturday, so I didn't have any ready for first thing Sunday morning. I typically drink a glass straight away (as Violet would say) when I get up in the morning. Anyhow, I didn't have any and this was the result: My large intestine literally felt like someone scraped it out leaving it completely raw and inflamed. And THEN someone punched me repeatedly in the obliques and mid-back leaving me bruised and sore. That is what I felt like all day. I finally did make celery juice late that afternoon, drank a glass, and things were more calm by bedtime. It sounds made up and I sound dramatic, I know. But it's just the best way I can describe it rather than being vague and saying... my stomach hurt. Now is this juice solving all of my problems and I'm over here eating a burrito? No. There is definitely not a burrito, but I wish there was. I'm still taking a handful of pills right before anything I eat. And I'm eating veggie soup, mushy bananas, seeds, chia seed pudding, protein shakes, fresh pressed juice (thank you WYSIWYG for supplying me with other kinds I don't have the energy to make), tea, and lots of water. So sometimes I lie around fantasizing about a bowl of Pad Thai. And other times I lie around with the thought of food making me feel sick. You just never know what's going to happen each hour. But I do know not to act on the food fantasies, because it never ends well. ugh.
And I know what you're wondering... Why the H-e-double hockey sticks is this happening? I want to know too, so please tell me. j/k I kind of know and will try to explain. It's because my cell danger response is stuck. My mitochondria isn't performing well and is not healthy, therefore my body is having a difficult time healing. Summary: I'm in SURVIVAL MODE.
The science-y version (skip if you wish):
Mitochondria is the key to healing. Each non-red blood cell in our body contains thousands of mitochondria. They are the power generators of the cells. They create energy by converting oxygen and nutrients into ATP and also communicate with the body. They are either in the cell keeping everything working or outside of the cell signaling the immune system. So when the body/cells are stressed due to injury, pathogens, etc. the mitochondria produces extracellular ATP (mitokine) to go outside of the cell and signal danger and inhibit the cell danger response.
There are three stages of the healing cycle (cell danger response). This is the same process for something as minor as a cut all the way to complex disease. And no matter what it is, it has to walk through the steps to get to healing. In the example of a cut, CDR1- cut bleeds, CDR2- scabs over, CDR3- recovers/heals. So for each cell it cannot go to the next step until the previous step is fully completed and the mitochondrial function is ready. Each type of injury/stress is going to involve different types of cells and communication. If it's complex enough it will signal systemically (throughout the entire body).
CDR1 (cell danger response 1) is devoted to damage control, innate immunity, inflammation and clean up. The amount of inflammation is dependent on the need. Things that can trigger CDR1 are bacteria, fungi, protozoa, viruses, and biological or chemical toxins, basically any mental or physical stress. Once this response is initiated it can't go back to the way it was. It has to go through the whole cycle. So if your mitochondria and cells get stuck in a phase for a period of time it can create a disorder. Some that are linked to CDR1 are allergies, asthma, skin disorders, candida, lyme disease, h. pylori, malaria, and parasite infections, to name a few.
CDR2 is like the stem cell stage. It's when formation and regeneration of cells is happening, it recruits stem cells to do that. This can start once CDR1 damage is cleared or contained. Some disorders linked to this phase are diabetes, heart disease, IBDs, pulmonary fibrosis, and cancers/leukemias.
CDR3 is when the formation and regeneration have stopped. So they now have to differentiate and decide what to become, what organ-specific functions to be. Disorders linked to stalling in this stage are autism, POTS/PANS/PANDAS, chronic fatigue, PTSD, fibromyalgia, OCD, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, migraines, Parkinsons, Alzheimers, Rheumatoid arthritis, MS, and many other autoimmune disorders, eczema, psoriasis, and IBS.
Anytime you're entering this cycle your hormone release is going to be slowed. Which is why people with chronic illness have so many hormone issues. So this all plays back to the mitochondria and how important it is to have it functioning well so you can heal. If it's not functioning well you also have to find the underlying cause. There's a bit more to this, but I'm going to stop. If you want to learn more about it you can find a video explanation here. It's episode 89. PM me for my login or create your own.
SKIP TO HERE if you wished to skip the science explanation ----------->
Some people are able to remove the underlying issues and make it through the cell danger response without too many hiccups. That's not me. I'm not in that category. So the new information about how important of a role the mitochondria plays may help us. They've had a few other patients continually get stuck like I have. They've found that if they push through and up the dose of their MitoATP supplement they make a breakthrough in healing. Up until this point I've only tolerated a few drops of the supplement and we always just back down the dose when things get too challenging. Well... the new plan is to just push through and feel wiped out for a few days in hopes that by day 3 or 4 I start to feel a lift in symptoms. I haven't figured out exactly when I'm going to do this, but SOON. That supplement I mentioned awhile back that ran out of stock is FINALLY back in stock. So I'm waiting to get that before I start.
We did run a lab to see if there were any infections/bacteria we were unaware of. Everything came back in range except for one type of mold. So this is good news in that most of the molds that were high this time last year have gone down to acceptable levels. So yay for that! I'm hoping that if we can just get my cell function back to running properly then my body will just be able to handle the rest.
As everyone is well aware these are some interesting times we are in right now. I'm grateful that I have my 'vitamin b' and my mama being superheroes. This isn't different from any other time in terms of that, but it really shines right now. Meanwhile, I'm surviving and working. Ben reminds me that even though I don't feel like it, that I'm doing a great job. I don't know if he fully knows how much it means to hear that from time to time. It's easy to get down and out, so the mental piece is just as much a battle as the physical some days. I can tell sometimes he wants to panic, go on vacation, and make the best of life right now in case we can't later. And then I just say, "I'm too strong willed to die". Sometimes you just have to humor through these things. He responded, "you mean stubborn"! Either way, it comes in handy.
I have my vulnerable moments with people that aren't Ben or my mom or my therapist. And it's just really hard letting my guard down, but sometimes it's like a dam that breaks and I just have to share with someone. And then I word vomit all my thoughts, it's scary. I feel better afterwards until I realize what I just did and immediately want to apologize. Like wow, I'm so sorry I just put you through that. But I stop myself if I can. Sometimes I just change the apology to words of appreciation instead, because I really did need them in that moment. And I would do the same for anyone else in a heartbeat. Listen and comfort when they just want the pain to be over. Or listen to anything they just want to talk about in general. There are exceptions when I'm feeling heavy myself and can't take in much else. But most of the time I'm able to push it aside and welcome a distraction. It's not easy being that person, feeling helpless and unable to fix it for someone. I'm fully aware of how hard it must be to be married to me ;) I mean married to someone with health issues and work and have two kids and a cat and so on. But maybe just being married to me in general is challenging. haha! Things are never boring here that's for sure. Anyhow, if you've been on the receiving end of my vulnerability, I appreciate you! I can think of one person's cubicle I've cried in more times than I can count. That's a true rockstar friend! And if you know of someone going through some of what I have, please send them my way. It helps to not feel alone in this and share notes. We all know I've tried countless different things. If you're reading this... please don't give up! We are going to come out of this like blinding rays of sunshine. Ashlee Suker Elite Pro version 6.0 - full of life, energy, wit, and an unbreakable beam of optimism. Something like that anyhow. Who knows what version I'm actually on. But I wouldn't be here without all of those that have listened and comforted me in the hard times. People don't always realize how important that role actually is. You've probably helped so much more than you actually think just by being there.
This was long. Applause to those who made it through. I will check back in to let you know if our new tactic is helping or not. Links listed below to products I use. Never hesitate to reach out to me and ask questions if you want to know more about anything and everything.
Lastly, this is me after my motivational mental talk to myself Tuesday evening.
"I don't care if you feel like garbage. Your husband wants to spend time with you, so you're going to have FUN, dammit!"
XOXO
Ashlee
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