Mold Warrior. Pt. 1

I've tried writing this a few different times, in my head, in my phone, or on paper. It just never flowed quite right. And then I decided, who cares. I would just not write altogether, but then the thoughts would just keep rolling in my head and it's rather annoying. So I need to just do something and move on.

I've written about mold illness before, but I'm not sure how many of you have read it or remember it. So we are going to refresh. Mold illness/toxicity is not an allergy to mold. Mycotoxins from mold build up in your body from exposure. This happens to everyone as mold happens everywhere and it's not always harmful. And for a majority of people their immune systems will respond, their antibodies will bind to the antigens and clear the toxins out of the body. Some of us aren't as fortunate. There is a gene called HLA-DR that 24% of the population has that doesn't tag mold properly and therefore doesn't remove it from the body like it should. So it builds up and makes you really sick. You will feel sick, search for answers, and often end up without a diagnosis.The symptoms can be so vast and puzzling. Often times they will label it fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, or IBS. Or the toxicity has gotten so bad and you're so compromised that you end up with a number of autoimmune diseases. And ultimately if things go undetected for long enough it can lead to cancer and extreme damage to your kidneys, lungs, and nerves.

I had made quite a bit of progress on my mold recovery journey last year, so when things took a bad turn towards the end of December I was really at a loss as to what was happening. Things went really up and down, so it was hard to gauge what was working and what wasn't. Ultimately, we knew we were missing something. Spring of 2019 we had a mold inspector come out and look over the house and run an air test. She gave us some good tips, we purchased an air purifier, met with two different HVAC companies about humidity control, and moved forward. The air test didn't come up with anything, so I just assumed there wasn't anything current in the house, I just needed to clear my body of what was there from previous exposures. 

By the time March hit I was struggling to eat anything without feeling terrible. I started consuming more liquid forms of nutrients to get by. This was obviously not a sustainable tactic. We tried adjusting a few things and still no luck. Then early April my doctor suggested trying the carnivore diet... or at least mostly carnivore with a few other foods that were low carb. I was like, “excuse me? I think I must have heard you wrong?” Okay, I didn’t say that. But I think I did go into shock a bit. I read up on the information and understood why he suggested trying it. He knew suggesting it was a bit out there, but had some patients like me find success with it. Not a forever diet, just one to help me heal. Took me a few days to wrap my head around it and get into a groove with it. Especially since I was doing the complete opposite before. Fruits and veggies were life. Except they were not giving me life, they were causing a lot of inflammation in my gut, which then causes a reaction everywhere else. Within a few days my stomach felt SO much better. It didn't feel like someone had scraped out my intestines and left me bruised and bloated. This was not a fix all, but it at least helped my stomach not feel so awful. And I improved enough that when we closed on our Duluth house I was all in. Project-loving Ashlee was in full force. Yes, I distract my way through life sometimes to get by. I'm very aware that I do this. And I'm very aware that it's not always very healthy of me. It helped me work through my frustration with the state of the world and the status of school and work and my health. Being quarantined actually made my new diet more tolerable. Because at least I was home eating meat all the time. There were no temptations or jealousy of what other people were eating. I could stay in my own meat and fish bubble. I tried incorporating a few other foods, but it just never worked quite well. My body didn't tolerate much. If it didn't like something I could tell within an hour or so. It would feel like someone had punched my obliques multiple times and left me in pain. I'm not dramatizing this. It's what it feels like. We thought maybe after three months I would be in a good place and could transition back out. Except we didn't know that there would be something in my environment holding me back from making much progress.

Just last week I was walking with Theodore chatting.

Theodore: "Mom, when I grow up I'm going to buy a camper and I'm going to share it with you if you're still alive."

Me: "Why wouldn't I be alive?"

Theodore: "Because you're really sick. You just never know what could happen."

<Insert helpless feeling>

Just when you think maybe you're getting by just enough that it's not too obvious how you're feeling on the inside, you discover how much they truly see and know. 

About a month ago now I was at my wit's end. No one was going to do the work for me. I had to keep doing the work, but what I was doing just wasn't enough. Something was missing. What wasn't I seeing? Who did I need to speak up to? What action did I need to take? I was so exhausted though. Nothing left to give. It's so hard. It's so hard. It's so hard. We were working on the mold in my body, but I wasn't getting results. Why? 

I ordered mold tests for both houses. We had some mold in the toilets in the Duluth house. Don't worry, we replaced them and got an air purifier to clean up the air spores among other things. I knew that did set me off, but things were downhill even before we had the Duluth house. So there had to be something else. I just couldn't shake the feeling that there was something in our Mankato house that we weren't seeing. One day I was taking a bath and looked over at our toilet and remembered our pesky occasional leak underneath the toilet. Ben had made some alterations to fix it, but I then noticed it was still happening. I decided, screw it, I'm calling the plumber. The plumber fixed it. All was good there. But as I looked closer I realized that liquid had been seeping up to the baseboard. Light bulb moment! I'm sure there's mold behind there as this had been going on for months.So when I sent in our samples to be tested I made sure to swab the baseboard there. It was pretty obvious it was mold, but I wanted to know what kind of mold and how bad. 

One day the fam was chatting over text about how sometimes things just align and come together. Mom made a comment about how dad and the grandparents are looking out for us. And I said, "Can you ask them to heal me next?" I was kind of joking because I KNOW mom prays for me all the time. That night I had a dream and my G'pa and G'ma Weber were in it. I was at their farm house or something. They had mold growing on some of their walls. Yes, I dream about mold now apparently. Anyhow, my grandma starts climbing around in the closet. Kid you not she was up on the shelf above the clothes hanging bar. I just remember yelling at her, "G'ma! WHAT are you doing? Get down from there!" In my dream they were at least in their 70s. She was poking around at the ceiling. I think she maybe cut a hole or was reaching up in a crawl space or something. I don't think I've ever had a dream with both my grandparents in it. Especially since they've passed. So it was just so real and bizarre. I have dreams all the time and I don't often tell them to anyone unless it's kind of funny or just out there. But for some reason that morning I text my mom and told her straight away. Right away she says, "We have to look up! That's what she's telling you!" It honestly hadn't occurred to me to interpret that way. I just was thinking, 'seriously, now I'm having moldy dreams'.

Mom called me either that day or the next and we talked about next steps. She was going to be staying with us a few days over the 4th so she said she could investigate the wall behind the toilet and see if it was growing behind the Sheetrock. The caulk in the tub also needed to be taken out and redone as that was speckled with mold too. So many fun things. Anyhow, we thought she'd maybe do this while I was at work on the 6th, but then decided on the 4th I would leave the house with the kids while her and Ben investigated things. I feel crummy enough the way it is and it's bananas how having heightened exposures flares things for me. My gut instantly gets messed up even more than it is. I start to have more trouble with any food I eat (yes, even the meat), my digestion changes, my bladder inflames causing discomfort, I start coughing, my lymphatic system doesn't drain right because of all the inflammation so my throat feels swollen and my neck hurts, my head gets foggy, I feel like I can't breathe properly, and my pain all over increases. You know, just to name a few things. My point being, it was important to leave the house. Well, behind the toilet ended up being fine. It was just the one bad piece of baseboard thankfully. But another area by the tub mold had started growing under the floor and up to the cabinet that's built into the wall. So they then took the cabinet completely out as it wasn't salvageable. And low and behold, they looked up! There was a cut out in the ceiling in the way back (our fireplace is behind the bathroom wall) and there was insulation dripping with water and it was BLACK! Ben crawled up and traced to the source. Our roof had a hole! There wasn't any metal flashing on a part of the chimney. Therefore water was just leaking in and creating black mold. They were glad they found what was going on. I, on the other hand, just felt complete overwhelm. I was right, there was something. I wasn't crazy. My illness is still very real and there is a cause that's keeping me from healing. But wow. I never know when this will be my reaction, but sometimes I just go in shock and become numb. I don't know why that was my response, but it was. And I just felt emotional and I cried as Ben talked about the plan. And I just kept thinking I should feel relieved or happy or something that it was found, but that's not the emotion that surfaced. I just felt overwhelmed. Partly because the mountain I have to climb is still ginormous. It was before and still is. And now it's overcome-able, but it still feels so big. I feel like I'm stuck on the mountain and I don't know where to put my feet and hands to keep climbing. I just look up and feel it shadowing over me. I know this will get better, as I'm doing all the things. But this is just where I'm at right now. For those that are close to me, I'm sure you see me doing and trying ALL the THINGS! Maybe I look like a warrior? Do I? I know I have to keep going, but I'm just so tired. 

Not all molds are created equal. But of the ones we found, many are on the list as most harmful to health. We found aspergillus, penicillium, chaetomium, fusarium, and acremonium. Molds produce mycotoxins and mVOCs. Basically poisonous chemicals. These chemicals suppress your immune system, damage your nerves, impair brain function, interfere with your cells’ ability to make proteins your body needs, and put you at risk for cancer. My doctor explains it that the mycotoxins create a blanket over your cells that doesn't allow proper cell respiration, it shuts down your glutathione pathways (NRF2 pathway) which produces glutathione, ATP, free radicals, etc. So since my cells don't get proper oxygen and struggle to produce energy (ATP) and I have atoms floating around trying to damage my cells, protein, and DNA... it causes a lot of issues. My mast cells release histamine and other chemical warriors to try and attack toxic organisms. All of the histamine creates a constant state of inflammation. Because of this I've developed a histamine intolerance.The mast cells are doing this to try and protect my body. Many foods have higher histamine levels in them or they naturally help produce them once in the body. This is part of the reason I'm so reactive to food right now. Some foods that I recently tried and about killed me were avocados, milk, and peanuts. When I first started eating carnivore-ish I also survived on avocados. They are low carb and high in fat which helps with digestion. I like avocado, so it was fantastic. Until it was no longer fantastic and I felt miserable after eating them. Great, another food I can't eat. Milk made me feel like I was slowly dying for about a week. I spent a lot of time in bed and struggled to function entirely. I think you get what I'm saying. Food and I are in a constant fight. I hate the war we're in. Sometimes I can roll with the diet and just do my best. And sometimes I'm insanely angry about it. Lately, very sad and angry about it. I try eating something else here or there, but it always backfires. Meat is just my bestie right now and all the vegans/vegetarians reading this are dying a bit inside because of this. Yes, friends, I too wish I could eat your veggies.

I recently watched the movie Brain on Fire. I just kept thinking as I watched her in some scenes... I get what you're feeling right now. She has moments when people are talking to her and she's just out of it. She can't comprehend what they're saying and also can't put together thoughts to put into words. That constant state of inflammation I mentioned... that also gets to your brain. People often call it brain fog. When I have a flare up of inflammation, this happens. It's so hard to focus and remember what you're doing when you're doing it. You know when you walk into a room and forget why you even went there, that's this, but constant. It becomes hard to talk. The thoughts don't form properly and you can't find the words. It's so incredibly frustrating. This recently happened a few weeks ago when I was with Ben. I just felt so angry about it. I can always tell when the brain fog starts creeping in and where it might go. It's absolutely terrifying. If you can't calm down the inflammation quickly, you're in for a rough ride. I just have to tell myself over and over, "This is temporary. Just hang on. You will get through this." My mental state can take a quick, dark turn. Depression takes hold and doesn't want to let go. It's hard and scary and I try to just keep people away during that time. I don't want to take them down that path with me. Nobody wants to hear their loved one say, "I don't want to do this anymore." I've reached out a few times during these moments and said just that. And it's mortifying. I hate that I ever said that. But in that moment that's how I feel and I can't escape.

You know what. I could go on forever and ever about my daily life and how hard it is. Everything I fight through. But I really don't think anyone wants to read through all of that. But please, if you deal with any of these things, look into mold. Testing your own body is not as simple as it should be, because it's not often tested in mainstream medicine. But if you find a naturopath or functional medicine doctor, they can help you. Also, test your home. I recommend digging around and thinking on past water issues as a place to start. Air can be a good indicator, but doesn't always tell the full story. Chronic digestion issues, food intolerance, anxiety, depression, extreme fatigue, brain fog, autoimmune issues, infertility, skin issues, asthma, chronic pain... could all be caused by mycotoxins. Please look into it. And I'm here if you ever want to talk or have questions. I don't always know the answer, but I can give you a resource to get one.

As for what's next. There's a lot. I will put it in another post as I know this is much too long already. But I will share house progress and what I'm doing to survive. And I wrote most of this in a state of brain fog and exhaustion, so who knows how well this reads. 

If anyone has a great recommendation for a local farmer who sells grass-fed beef, could you please send to me. I don't seem to have the energy and patience to sort through the MN Grown whatever page on fb.

love,

me

Here's a good article that goes into more detail about mold and solutions to heal from it: Mold Toxicity