Mold Warrior Pt. 2

Are you grateful for all the things you do have? Of course you are. Does that mean that you can’t grieve what you’ve lost? No, it doesn’t. You can do both. I don’t know if my posts come across as me being a Debbie downer or not. I’m sure at times they read incredibly depressing. Maybe people think, but you should be so grateful for what you have! I am. I really, really am. I think about it every single day. But I also have days where I have to allow myself to grieve what I’ve lost. We all need space for that. I know I’ve talked about this many times before. But when people become ill they lose so much. There’s always the obvious things, but often it’s the things you can’t see that are the hardest. People are always changing. They weren’t who they were a year ago or five years ago. But this is greater than that. We have “woe is me” moments where we crave who we once were. Or we imagine, “if I was healthy I’d be more...”. It’s not healthy to dwell on, but sometimes it’s hard not to go to that page. I miss so many things about myself sometimes it just hurts. I miss my ambition, I miss my vibrant energy, I miss working out, I miss my attention to detail, I miss my multi-tasking abilities, I miss my patience and focus, and so much more. I pray so hard that my kids don’t remember the things I fall short on. I know any parent wishes that. But we are our own worst critics, and I know what I could be if I wasn’t trapped by this illness. I obviously try to not let it hold me back, but sometimes it’s inevitable and I just have to accept it. That is not the same as giving up. There’s a balance in being realistic with optimism.



“I can do hard things.”

This has been my motto as of late. When I look up and see the shadow of the cliff. “I can do hard things.” When I’m crying and can’t seem to stop. “I can do hard things.” When the mold and the home repairs seem endless. “I can do hard things.” When I need to make celery juice. “I can do hard things.” ;) When my body is done for the day and wants to quit. “I can do hard things.” When I want to throw all my supplements out the window. “I can do hard things.” When I can't just eat whatever I want. "I can do hard things."

I can say without a doubt that these last few weeks I have not done alone. There are times when I’ve just had to let people carry me through. I just sat on the sidelines paralyzed and Ben or mom or anyone else who has showed up just picked me up and moved me to the next thing. Both literally and figuratively!

So I mentioned the mold findings in the last post. Ben and my mom have worked so hard to remediate it. And Ben has taken the load on rebuilding and calling multiple professionals on various things. The only thing I managed to do was get a rock lodged in my car between the rotor and backing plate. Because we obviously needed another expense and repair professional involved in our life right now. I did manage to call the dealership myself and get it fixed. And yes, I am patting myself on the back for that small accomplishment!

Our bathroom has been partially torn apart, which is really fun. Ben did a 3-day marathon getting the shower torn out and put back together since it’s our only one in the house. He took really fancy baths in the plastic kiddie pool in the backyard each night. We also need to get all the cellulose taken out of the attic. Which means we need to get all of our stuff out of the attic and do a purge. Then we will get new insulation put in which will improve all sorts of things. For one, it will remove any other cellulose that may be laden with mold that’s hanging out up there. And who knows if it started growing anywhere else that we can’t see in the attic space.


The mold laden cellulose coming down from the ceiling/attic

    

           

Theodore wanted to help. Demo duty was right up his alley.

 


 

Making some serious progress!



Ben and his dad patched the roof. But thanks to the insane downpour this past weekend we found that it was leaking in another spot as well. I think it's safe to say that Ben is over it. The silver lining is that it happened while we were still able to see it rather than go unnoticed for who knows how long. Mom came over this past weekend and helped us start the process of organizing our house. It's a combo of refreshing and exhausting to get rid of so much stuff. Mom just says "sit here and go through this pile". I can mostly handle that. I think I only cried once, which is a miracle. For awhile there as we were in process, I think our house could have been on Hoarders. It's starting to look a bit more normal now thank goodness.

I bought another air purifier. It’s more personal size. I contemplated decorating it with stickers like people do with their water bottles and then wearing it on a chain like Flavor Flav does with clocks! Seems practical. We will keep doing mold test plates and fogging until it’s clear. It’s actually kind of a disappointing game at the moment. But we won’t quit until we get it right. Did you know your pets also carry around mold? I mean it makes sense. Any particles in the air just hang out on their fur. Pets often carry alternaria and biploaris, which can be very harmful to those more susceptible. It's not as simple to wash a cat as it is a dog. But we will obviously try. And then you can go down a rabbit hole thinking about everything the cat touches and lays on. Basically we need to fog the entire house to get all the surfaces and wash as much as we can. The thought of giving our cat a new home breaks my heart, so we will try to avoid that scenario.


Mold test plates


Me setting off the fogger. Just ignore the t-shirt on my head. I was trying that plopping thing people rave about ;)


And Ben obviously had to sneak in an in action fog photo



As for healing my body... it will definitely make more progress once we can get everything cleared out. I'd be lying if I didn't say I feel defeated at times. Really in just about all aspects of life right now. I just had a call with my doctor and we're going to focus mostly on supporting my body right now. Still taking a few things to help with mold specifically but backing down on anything else that may be trying to pull out toxins. I just can't handle it at the moment. So the goal is to keep me functioning until we can get through everything that needs to happen with the house. So that will be at least a month likely.

I’ve contemplated videoing my supplement routine, but I just can’t seem to do it. It makes me feel so vulnerable and exposed. Which probably sounds odd considering I write these blog posts. I guess I almost feel ashamed of it in a way. But they’re helping me, so I really shouldn’t. It’s all just so expensive and overwhelming. Currently, I’m taking supplements four times a day. Some are only in the morning and some are only at night. It’s a bit complex. There’s powders, tinctures, and pills. For just the mold portion I take three things, one is a powder I mix in water three times a day. It’s black, tastes like dirt, and stains my teeth. So basically it’s delightful. There’s a nasal spray that helps more with the sinuses. When you first start it, it feels horrendous. It’s like someone is zapping your head with intense sharp sensations. One time was real bad and I almost felt worse for Ben, who was looking at me with grave concern. Pretty sure that night he carried me to bed like a small child. But let’s pretend it was like a romantic gesture where the husband carries their wife into their new home after getting married or something like that. And the third one is in pill form. And then there’s a whole plethora of other things I take just to help support general body function... mitochondria, minerals, oxygen, digestion, breaking down enzymes, supporting the liver, kidneys, and immune system, energy, and sleep. So basically all the things.

Now that we’ve discussed feelings, hard things, our house, and supplements... here are some resources and links.

Mold testing your home: Immunolytics
Mycotoxin testing for yourself: Real Time Lab
Mold fogger (I will happily borrow our actual fogging machine to anyone that needs it. Then you’d just need to purchase the liquid): Haven by BioBalance
Additional mold cleaners: CitriSafe

Many supplements I use are from these two sites: Microbe Formulas

All the CBD things: Crested River
Assists with sleep, digestion, and energy: BEpic
There are two specific probiotics that help with mold removal:
Lactobacillus Plantarum OM

Air purifiers (You can definitely research top recommendations where they’ve done testing on them. Most expensive isn’t always best. Also, make sure to get one that has a sensor that detects the air for you.)
We currently have a SilverOnyx Air Purifier and Green Air Encore Purifier. 
A friend also recently sent me information about one for air ducts: Reme Halo

Articles:


I am not a health professional. Just sharing my experience and products that have helped me along the way. Another side note: If you're in this situation, please avoid using chemical cleaners like bleach and Lysol to clean surfaces. The chemicals in those cleaners will cause even more harm. There are plenty of other safe cleaners out there. 

Love to you all!
Ash

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