Sunshine Journal

It’s been one of those days where I want to crawl out of my skin and find something more comfortable to be in. The pain runs into my bones and it’s just so heavy. Try as I might, I can’t escape it taking over my thoughts. I’ve been through this time and time again. And even though I want to fight it or force some way around it, it’s just not the right thing to do for me. I’ve learned that the hard way. I just have to sit with it. And then I have to work through not worrying about everything I think I should be doing right now. But this is just a snapshot. It’s a day in a year. Tomorrow will be a new one. It might be just as painful, but no two days are replicas. I’ve decided that’s something to look forward to. The rollercoaster might do a flip for all I know. And the day isn’t even over, there might be a relief button moment. Despite this pesky day, I’ve had a string of good ones in the last week. I can feel myself turning a corner of sorts. I get a burst of energy or a sense of calm ...

My life. It’s a bit like trudging in the snow. Sometimes it feels cumbersome and challenging. Where your feet feel heavy and it’s more work to take steps. And sometimes you stop and let it take your breath away. And other times you’re like a child and break to play in it.  No one has ever claimed life to be easy, but there have been moments in my life where it did feel like things were too easy. I had everything I needed, I was surrounded by love, I felt whole, and life moved along its merry way. I sometimes told Ben that it felt too good to be true and I was certain there was hardship in store for me in the future. I was right. I didn’t say it to be negative or a skeptic or to be bitter. I just felt it at my core, an intuition you might say. You can roll your eyes and then tell me it’s a vague thing to say because everyone faces hardships. This is true. So maybe I was wrong and it’s just the way life is and anyone could expect such a thing. I’ve also come to realize that I often j...