Sunshine Journal

January 16th marked five years from when I started this blog. FIVE YEARS! I didn't expect anything to come of it. I just needed to write one day, so I did. And then I went against every fear and shared what I wrote. I'm not sure if it comes across that I'm this bold, fearless warrior... (you know, like Mulan or something like that)... but I'm certainly not. After all this time you'd think it would be easier to be vulnerable and put myself out there, but it's not. I'm just getting better at pushing the button really fast and then running away so I don't delete it. You wouldn't believe the number of times I've thought about wiping out this entire blog. Or deleting all my insta and tik tok posts. Gosh, there's so much vulnerability out there from me. I have some moments of complete confidence and then later on I panic about it. It's fine. Everything is fine. And then people have the audacity to say nice things to me about it! Unreal. My ther...

About three months ago I started working with a new therapist. She was highly recommended by my doctor... over two years ago. At the time I was already working with someone, but it was a somewhat different approach. I figured it was worth a try. Well, there was a waitlist. And in order to get on the waitlist you had to fill out the paperwork. I received said paperwork and then let it sit on my desk for awhile. Long enough to fall to the bottom of a pile. I eventually filled out this paperwork and mailed it in. They called and said the wait was a YEAR! Alrighty, folks. Just put me on the list. About 13-14 months after I got on that list the clinic called me and asked if I still wanted to see her. Yup! Let's do it! "Okay, ma'am, her next opening is in 3.5 months." Right, yup, sure, I might be delivering a baby, but just sign me up. I'll interject this story to add that my previous therapist, whom I came to adore, stopped doing therapy sessions this past Spring so sh...

Last night I was holding Otis getting ready to make him a bottle. I was being silly interacting with him and Ben says, "Have you had a drink?" (okay, I'm paraphrasing this convo because I can't remember word for word). I looked at him weird and said, "No, why?". He's like, "You're just being really goofy. Don't get me wrong, I like it." So I thought back on the previous few hours and said, "Oh! I had some ibuprofen." He goes, "That makes a lot of sense, you're not in so much pain, so you're being yourself." And then we laughed because it's true. For some reason this interaction really makes me smile. I could dwell on the part that I'm not always myself. But instead, I think of the glimpse we did see. When I have these moments it's so freeing. Enjoying myself, being in the moment without having to try. Pure magic. And now Ben knows that deep down his wife is still a weirdo ;) (note: ibuprofen doesn...