vascular compressions: plot twist

A few weeks ago I started writing a blog about this whole waiting game. It didn't get completed due to dealing with life, not feeling well, and time. Time is actually more a translation of energy for me in most cases. I might have an hour to spare, but I'm too exhausted or in pain to put my thoughts on a page. So then I thought, okay, I'll write a post when I get to announce my surgery date! I gave the go ahead to schedule surgery April 24, 2024. After five weeks they finally gave me a requested date. Which just means they have a date that works for the doctor and they send it to the hospital. The hospital then takes care of the insurance piece and getting prior authorization. But they don't submit for authorization until close to your surgery date because the authorization expires. This is what they told me. I've done a triangle of calling to the hospital, clinic, and insurance these past two months trying to understand this process. Each time I'd call I'd find out a new tidbit of information. The requested date was July 10th. Requested and scheduled is not the same thing so I haven't been sharing it with many. But have also been trying to mentally plan as best we could. We do have three children that need to be cared for while this is happening and have to travel.. Then last Friday (6/21) everything fell apart. Surgery will no longer be happening in Oklahoma. I don't have an explanation as to why. I'm actually left confused and heartbroken. This coming week I was going to be packing and prepping for this really big, scary thing and now I'm not. If you'd like to come over and hear my story and theorize with me over a cup of coffee, please do!

I did cry and go through a full range of emotions after this. I would say most of the emotions leaned on the not so pleasant side of things. By Monday I had my notebook out and started calling hospitals/clinics to find myself a new doctor. My cup of resilience has neared empty more times than I can count. But here I am ready to take on the challenge. So I guess if nothing else, we will have a lot more content to share in the near future. 

Not sure if anyone remembers, but I found out I was pregnant over two years ago ;) This catapulted a discussion about space in our home. This has actually been a discussion for much longer than that. Ben and I are dreamers. But it came to a point where we thought, maybe we should make this dream a reality. There was also discussion about moving. I shot this down numerous times. Though I did go look at some houses, because looking at houses can be fun. Ultimately, we didn't find a good fit in that department. And frankly, it was going to take something pretty impressive to take the leap. We love our house and neighborhood. We started meeting with some contractors early on in my pregnancy. Then we started working with one and drawing up plans. This process took up several months, so much waiting. After all that it wasn't the contractor for us, so we found another option. Then that contractor stopped responding. By this point it was Aug 2023 and Otis was 9 months. We were able to find another contractor based on a recommendation and put on the calendar for 2024. My health fell apart in August 2023 and we had no idea what was to come. But here we are now, and the contractor still wants to work on our house. I actually won't believe any of it until they are here working on it. Can't imagine why I'd feel that way? It's like plans have fallen through on me a few times ;) 

You might be wondering how we were going to work on our house and deal with surgery. That's a great question. I wondered the same thing myself. We were going to wing it. Because honestly, we just got confirmation about the house a few days ago. But I'm also no longer having surgery right now. So I guess that is what winging it is. It just worked itself out. 

Besides having to deal with feeling sick even longer, I've been panicked about work and income. I've become talented at taking money from our savings due to medical bills and my lack of half a paycheck. We are going to be fine. But I just get anxiety about these things. And now adding the house stuff on top of it, it seems like poor timing. But I'm not really sure what qualifies as good timing per se. So I think we will just figure it out as we go. So far we have a 100% success rate in being flexible and going with the flow.

Other fun things... Otis's vocabulary is starting to blossom and it's the most fun. He is just so silly and brings so much joy. He also has the ability to wear me out in about 30 minutes. But it's energy well spent. Theodore's soccer season just came to an end. I still can't get over how much improvement he's had since last fall and even just over the past two months. It has been such a delight to watch his team on the field. I think I'm called a 'soccer mom' now. Kidding. I think Ben takes the title for doing the most with soccer. Violet keeps me on my toes most days. She can be incredibly nurturing and is incredibly in-tune with me. She has a sixth sense when it comes to me sometimes and knows when I'm not well. "Mom, are you okay?" "Do you need anything?" Theodore can be too. This doesn't always translate to providing less stress in my life. Theodore actually just threw a pack of hot dogs across the room because he wanted ME to make them for him despite the fact that he's been doing it himself the past few days. And Violet would prefer if she got the most attention in the house. And even if she does, it's actually still not probably enough. Over the past few months though she has become quite the helper with Otis. She has learned to be calmer around him. Previously she was always just so excited and wanted to squeeze him and love him. This didn't always go over the best because sometimes he just wants to GO or play by himsefl! So there was practice in learning how to wait for him to guide you on what he wants. He struggles to say "Violet", so we're working on "sissy" or "purple"! haha He can kind of say "Theodore" and "brother" but it's not the clearest yet. If I can get Violet to work on a cleaning or organizing project she can completely rock it. The girl can be meticulous (if in the right mood). Theodore is full of curiosity. If he wonders how or why something is, he will "search it up" as he would say. Or he will ask numerous questions. The thing I find fascinating is that he is genuinely curious and sincere, but there's a piece that comes across so humorous in his delivery. It's when he isn't trying to be funny that he is the funniest. I think when our chiropractor sees him on the schedule she probably thinks, "wonder what today's conversation will bring!" I actually have never seen someone so vocally and animatedly excited about how they felt after an adjustment before. These are just some pieces of all their personalities. It feels only right to share it sometimes. I love watching these humans grow. I just really need them to be quiet during my naptime. It's a big ask though ;)

Ben continues to be Ben. I don't know how he's so calm and patient sometimes. He has difficult moments too, of course. The surgery news has been hard for both of us to take in. He's just so gentle and kind and supportive with me. Sometimes I just sit in awe over it. I keep waiting for him to be mad at me or get short with me about it, but he never does. I know it's not my fault that my body is just built different. But I have an engrained trait of thinking I have to be productive or helpful in order to receive love and kindness. He will always tell me that I do a lot as a mom and wife and friend and so on... even on days when it doesn't feel like it. Maybe my sense of humor carries more weight than I think! ha!

Alright friends, I think that sums things up a bit. Send lots of good vibes and patience as I navigate the next part of this journey. Sadly, there will be a lot more appointments in my future along with a lot of decisions. I will be leaning heavily on my family to help me find the right doctor for me. And we will also take the same as we go through the construction process. Eek! I'm actually pretty excited for that part. It will also be entertainment for the kids the few weeks before school starts.

Love to you all!

Ash

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