MALS: Surgery Day!

Prologue

(This can be skipped completely if you want to jump to the bits about surgery, just writing for memory sake)

The month leading up to the big day was a busy one. Of course, I still thought about surgery. Mostly in terms of 'thank goodness it's almost here'. And a few moments of fear and sadness and worry. September brought the start of school. The week leading up to school was a bit hairy with Theodore's anxiety about starting middle school. He was incredibly excited, but he gets very flustered with the unfamiliar and just assumes he's going to fail. But we got to the open house and his conference. Ben walked his route with him several times until Theodore felt satisfied. Actually, he probably didn't, but Ben needed to get back to work at some point. haha As we suspected, by day two of school he was already loving it! He even admitted after a few days that he does like choir despite the many disagreements we had over whether he should take the class or not. I swear to you, the child can sing. And I don't say this just because I'm an adoring mother. Violet's back to school was simply no fuss. She's already familiar with everything and was fortunate to have several friends in her class with her. 

The second week of September the focus was surviving. Ben went on a road trip with a friend to do some photography, camp and just clear his head. He knew the months ahead were going to fall a bit heavy on him, so he wanted to take some time to reset. I had a bit of help with the kids over the days he was gone. But for the most part I managed the single parent gig and did okay. I was thankful that I hit a few days of the month where my body wasn't completely falling apart on me. Okay, well I had to take one day off of work due to a nasty migraine. But even still, things could have been much worse. I definitely soaked up dropping off and picking up Otis from daycare since Ben often does that. Once I had surgery I wouldn't be able to do it for awhile with my lifting restrictions.

Ben in Ouray, Colorado

A much needed girls night before having surgery.
We did a mixology class at Chankaska Winery. Highly recommend!

The end of September brought two weddings, one in which Ben was the photographer and I, his assistant. Honestly, if I can get my body in a better place, shooting weddings together would be fun! Let's be clear, I mostly was the observer fluffing or nitpicking things so Ben could just do the camera thing. I had to take a lot of breaks and it was a very long day, but I was so happy to be apart of it and very proud of myself. At the end of the night Ben and I snuck in a slow dance. As we embraced I let myself feel all the feelings and let go of emotions about what was to come in a few days time. 

Photo Booth at one of the weddings we went to :)

Sky One Eleven is such a great venue!

Nightcap

There was also the start of construction on our home addition. We'll come back to this at a later time with more details. It was all very exciting though and yes, the timing was questionable. But here we were just doing all the things because that's just how it all fell into place.

The day before surgery (10/1/2024) the exterior walls went up!

And why not squeeze in an MRI the day before surgery as well ;)
It's an ongoing joke to fashion my gowns!

MALS Release Surgery Day

October 2, 2024

We arrived in Edina the night before and stayed at a hotel since hospital arrival time was 6am. I was taken back for all the surgery prep. There were labs and several people stopping by to ask me loads of questions. It was quite the process. I had anticipated being in my own little room like you do for same day procedures, but it was just a giant room with curtained off spaces. My nurse was very lovely and I felt as comfortable as one could in this situation I suppose. I, of course, had a migraine. This is par for the course anytime I have to fast and be at an appointment early. I'm sure there's a dose of anxiety sprinkled in there that doesn't help. There was a portion of time where I was just sitting and waiting so mom sat and massaged my neck. I was started to feel quite miserable. Once we finally got the green light and the team was ready to roll they gave me some meds to help me feel calm. So I lasted approximately one second and I was out. I was so ready for it and just wanted to sleep, so I guess my body took that queue and just went for it! I honestly was anticipating this dramatic scene where I was rolled away from Ben and my mom off to surgery. But I don't even know if they got the brakes off before I fell asleep, so that did not play out how I imagined. haha!

I figured I should probably take one last photo before I inherit a scar.

I truly was so ready to get this surgery done and over with!

One last kiss before I'm whisked away!

Before I knew it I was right back where I started like nothing ever happened. Except a lot had happened. The pain upon waking was unreal. Thankfully they were at the ready with more dilaudid for my IV. Then I was able to proclaim how badly I needed to pee. Trust me, I wished I hadn't needed to. They wanted to avoid having to do a catheter which they were successful in doing. But I wasn't allowed to get up, so they attempted some other contraption that definitely did not work. I'll spare you this full story. But be assured that I told one of my besties this story a few days later. Because yes, it was so ridiculous it was comical. I actually think I might start doing stand-up comedy on medical trauma.

So that part was fun and all and I was doing okay-ish... which is very relative in this scenario. Then suddenly I was just not okay. I was just laying there by myself with these curtains on either side of me... and then people on the other side of those curtains also recovering from surgeries. And I could just see the nurses moving about in front of me attending to other people and phones and computers. Why was I still there? When was I going to my room? Where were Ben and my mom? Did they know I was okay? What time was it? Oh wow, now I'm really nauseous. I'm also so thirsty, why can't I have a glass of water? Can someone pay attention to me? It hurts to move any part of me, how do I get their attention? Why isn't there a button? Ugh. I hate this!

I was granted the smallest sips of water and a little bit of ice. I was given another nausea medication to at least help with that issue. They were waiting for a room to open up for me. I don't remember if I found this out in the recovery area or later on, but my surgery did go well. It wasn't even very long, I think I went back at 8am and was out by 10am or something like that. But I didn't get a room until close to 2pm-ish. Which in the grand scheme probably isn't that bad, but when you're in pain and coming out of anesthesia and your family isn't there and so on... felt like a long time. I also discovered that dilauded wears off pretty quickly, so BOO! One thing I do distinctly remember is how awful it felt being wheeled up to my room. Any movement and motion was just unpleasant. Ben and my mom were so happy to see me. Their faces revealed relief and joy... and I was just not in that place. I'm not sure if it was the nausea medication or what, but my mood took a steep nose dive. I did not feel like myself at all and I hated it. This is morbid, but real. I had a period where I just wanted it to end. I either wanted to feel 100x better immediately or I wanted to close my eyes and have it be over. Thankfully, that feeling did pass. By evening my mood leveled back out a little bit. At least to the point where it didn't feel so dark anymore. Any slight shift of my body to try and get comfortable was almost unbearable. I was counting down when I could get my next oxy dose. They alternated Tylenol in there too, but that seemed pointless honestly. 

I'm guessing Ben was maybe relieved

I survived!

Now since I didn't have a catheter I had to get up to use the restroom. This is at the top of my chart for unpleasant (aka shitty) experiences. The sheer amount of pain! When the oxy kicked in my pain would maybe get to 7/8 on the pain scale. Anytime I was up and had to walk those few steps and then actually have to use muscles to pee... 9/10! It was like an out of body experience because it was too painful to be in my body. Which always reminds me of childbirth. Though childbirth will always just be its own category to me. This is a new column with its own pain scale. I actually dislike the pain scale and I never know how to quantify it because I experience so many different pains at once. So I relied heavily on the chart with the faces and descriptions. I had to focus on specific areas and not compare to anything else. (I used this chart) I think my body was so overwhelmed and in so much shock I didn't even really have capacity to be emotional that first 12 hours. I was also hooked up to an IV for antibiotics and had this cool pain pump attached to me. It was like this grenade ball that had a line that went right into my abdomen. It was wild. It also did not feel good if it ever got caught on anything trying to maneuver all the tubes and pillows. (I looked up the notes and it was an On-Q catheter irrigated with 0.5% Marcaine) They had compression pumps on my legs as well to prevent clotting. Which was very necessary, but I also came to the conclusion that that's what was pissing me off so much. The constriction intensified the pain and also didn't allow me to relax at all, which meant lack of sleep.

To be continued...

Journal entries from in the moment (as I realize this post is very overdue) can be found on our support page. There is an Updates section that you can scroll back through :)

If you're reading this and want to connect with me or have questions, feel free to email ashleekaysuker@gmail.com