The Good. The Bad. The Ugly. —Part 1
This has all been quite the adventure. Life in general is though, isn't it?
I'm about two months into my protocol now. It's been hard, fascinating, and makes me feel hopeful. Being able to be off of work for awhile has been a tremendous help. This last week Wednesday was really my true start since the long Labor Day weekend the kids were home. They didn't have daycare Friday or Tuesday and since I was already going to be home it didn't make sense to find them a different sitter. Though I'd be lying if I didn't say I was slightly terrified, which is the saddest statement. What mother is nervous about being with their kids all day long. It hit unfortunate timing last week and I got my period end of the week. Which you're all thinking... so? Well, it makes everything so much worse. My whole body is in crippling pain and my usual pain management techniques are worthless. But, we got through it. Friday morning my friend, Christianne, hung out with the kids so I could go to physical therapy. She took them to Walgreens and bought them each a toy. And her daughter, Lola, made slime with them. They thought it was the best day ever. The physical therapy session that day was also spent just talking, which was probably for the best considering. Physical therapy thus far has been so fascinating to me. It's different from the physical therapy I've done in the past. We spent that particular session talking about all of the things I currently do and what things bring consistent relief. It was determined that not much is consistent. The chiropractor and doing acupuncture were two things that were pretty consistent for relief afterwards. Floating is amazing for me, but each session isn't consistent in results. I find with just about anything there are so many factors going into it. How I'm feeling before I go, what emotional state I'm in, and what is on my mind. These all play roles in it and I'm getting better at knowing how my body will respond. And with floating, if I don't go for a few days the first day I go back doesn't always give me much immediate relief. But if I then go for a few more consecutive days it really helps. I try to do a continuous every other day routine if at all possible. But sometimes I get gaps where I don't go for three days and I can tell. One other huge factor is obviously how much activity I do in a given day. If I push myself or I'm having moments of feel good and overdo it, the next day or next hours can be brutal. Prime example, yesterday I had spurts of feeling good, which is the most magical feeling ever! It makes me want to dance my face off or run around in the streets with a huge grin on my face. But sadly, I have to take precaution and not go overboard. And I know this, but just about every time I get carried away even when I'm trying to not do too much. I tidied the living room and kitchen, folded two loads of laundry, mowed the lawn (riding mower), and put Theodore's laundry away. In the morning I also took the kids to Jo-Ann Fabrics with me. I even took lots of resting breaks in between and went to float. It doesn't matter. I woke up this morning feeling the intensity from yesterday. And I know it's bad when sound hurts. This sounds so bizarre and if someone told me this before, I wouldn't understand. But the sound of the kids talking (Theodore talks SO loud sometimes), the volume on the tv, music, you name it, it intensifies my nerve pain. Like as the volume is louder it jumps more. Picture the nerve pain as sound waves. The pain frequency follows the same diagram. Fascinating, right?
And I got really sidetracked there. That Friday afternoon with the kids I basically laid on the couch as much as possible and hoped the kids wouldn't destroy too much. It was slightly entertaining and nerve-wracking. Since they were in slime mode, Theodore took out saran wrap and put it all over the table and then decided they should play with shaving cream! I did not have the energy to stop this from happening so I just watched to see how it would unfold. He actually was really careful and tried hard to clean it all up when he was done. I like to tell myself that this has helped my kids learn and grow valuable life skills rather than thinking it's damaging them. Nobody wants to go down that rabbit hole of thought. So we survived the afternoon and at the end I made myself finally do something to somehow salvage the day from being complete crap. I took the kids down the hill so we could sign Theodore up for Cub Scouts. It really did make me feel much better about the day. Sometimes it just takes one thing. The gal at the office was so sweet to the kids and told Theodore about everything they get to do. And it's a family pack, so Violet can come too! He wore his new hat proudly back up the hill. Kindergarten is a lion, so basically Theodore was on board just for that. Ben always comes home and saves the day and does something fun with the kids on days like this. He was supposed to go golfing the next day with his friend, but cancelled knowing it wasn't the best idea considering. I would have told him to go if he asked, but he didn't ask, he just did it. He took them out the next morning on a "bear hunt". These are fantastic hikes in the woods. There is usually a picnic involved or a stop for ice cream on the way home. I hate missing out on them, but have come to terms with the fact that it's often more beneficial to use this time to rest in quiet. Beating myself up over missing out doesn't do any good, so I try to avoid it if I can. Later in the day he took the kids with him to a friend's house to help with landscaping. We prepped prior, so the kids could paint rocks while there for something to do. I went for a float and watched a movie on Netflix. I could finally feel some relief that night (thank the Lord). I picked them up and got them in bed. They were the dirtiest children with splotches of paint all over and they went to bed that way. We have to pick our battles, right? Theodore woke up the next morning and started his bath right away knowing it was the day of Lucy's birthday party. Ginny ordered the largest slip n' slide I've ever seen. They played on it all day long and had the best day ever. Midway through the day I rested in Lucy's bed for about an hour. Much needed as I wasn't sure if I was going to make it otherwise. My mom came and got the kids to take them for the night. I purposefully positioned this in the middle of the weekend so that Tuesday when I had them all day I was as rested as possible. And since it's grandma, the kids don't even notice. Grandma is the biggest treat of all. Ben and I also got some time together, which was also needed. Sunday evening we were so wiped out that we just watched tv. I assume this is what most parents with small children do when they finally have some time together? Monday we did go out for lunch and checked out some of the sculptures downtown in the rain.
Tuesday came and I was doing okay. Got us all to the chiropractor late morning and headed to the Children's Museum in the afternoon. Sometimes getting out works better because they are so distracted and there's less whining. It worked out amazingly because we ran into some friends we knew. So they played and played and played. I mostly got to just sit and hang out. Violet played in the kitchen most of the visit and brought me lots of meals with her apron on. I need days like these. Days where the kids see me as the parent who also does fun things with them. When I come with on family outings they are often in shock. Their standard has been set to "mom is going to stay home and rest". It sucks, but their understanding is incredible. They've developed a whole new level of care and compassion. Theodore often says things like, "Mom, you come outside and watch me. You can just sit in the chair and rest while I play." and Violet brings me Salonpas patches in case I need them ;) Sometimes you just have to laugh and smile at the people they are becoming.
I have so much more to say and update on, but will need to write a separate post later.
-Ash
I'm about two months into my protocol now. It's been hard, fascinating, and makes me feel hopeful. Being able to be off of work for awhile has been a tremendous help. This last week Wednesday was really my true start since the long Labor Day weekend the kids were home. They didn't have daycare Friday or Tuesday and since I was already going to be home it didn't make sense to find them a different sitter. Though I'd be lying if I didn't say I was slightly terrified, which is the saddest statement. What mother is nervous about being with their kids all day long. It hit unfortunate timing last week and I got my period end of the week. Which you're all thinking... so? Well, it makes everything so much worse. My whole body is in crippling pain and my usual pain management techniques are worthless. But, we got through it. Friday morning my friend, Christianne, hung out with the kids so I could go to physical therapy. She took them to Walgreens and bought them each a toy. And her daughter, Lola, made slime with them. They thought it was the best day ever. The physical therapy session that day was also spent just talking, which was probably for the best considering. Physical therapy thus far has been so fascinating to me. It's different from the physical therapy I've done in the past. We spent that particular session talking about all of the things I currently do and what things bring consistent relief. It was determined that not much is consistent. The chiropractor and doing acupuncture were two things that were pretty consistent for relief afterwards. Floating is amazing for me, but each session isn't consistent in results. I find with just about anything there are so many factors going into it. How I'm feeling before I go, what emotional state I'm in, and what is on my mind. These all play roles in it and I'm getting better at knowing how my body will respond. And with floating, if I don't go for a few days the first day I go back doesn't always give me much immediate relief. But if I then go for a few more consecutive days it really helps. I try to do a continuous every other day routine if at all possible. But sometimes I get gaps where I don't go for three days and I can tell. One other huge factor is obviously how much activity I do in a given day. If I push myself or I'm having moments of feel good and overdo it, the next day or next hours can be brutal. Prime example, yesterday I had spurts of feeling good, which is the most magical feeling ever! It makes me want to dance my face off or run around in the streets with a huge grin on my face. But sadly, I have to take precaution and not go overboard. And I know this, but just about every time I get carried away even when I'm trying to not do too much. I tidied the living room and kitchen, folded two loads of laundry, mowed the lawn (riding mower), and put Theodore's laundry away. In the morning I also took the kids to Jo-Ann Fabrics with me. I even took lots of resting breaks in between and went to float. It doesn't matter. I woke up this morning feeling the intensity from yesterday. And I know it's bad when sound hurts. This sounds so bizarre and if someone told me this before, I wouldn't understand. But the sound of the kids talking (Theodore talks SO loud sometimes), the volume on the tv, music, you name it, it intensifies my nerve pain. Like as the volume is louder it jumps more. Picture the nerve pain as sound waves. The pain frequency follows the same diagram. Fascinating, right?
And I got really sidetracked there. That Friday afternoon with the kids I basically laid on the couch as much as possible and hoped the kids wouldn't destroy too much. It was slightly entertaining and nerve-wracking. Since they were in slime mode, Theodore took out saran wrap and put it all over the table and then decided they should play with shaving cream! I did not have the energy to stop this from happening so I just watched to see how it would unfold. He actually was really careful and tried hard to clean it all up when he was done. I like to tell myself that this has helped my kids learn and grow valuable life skills rather than thinking it's damaging them. Nobody wants to go down that rabbit hole of thought. So we survived the afternoon and at the end I made myself finally do something to somehow salvage the day from being complete crap. I took the kids down the hill so we could sign Theodore up for Cub Scouts. It really did make me feel much better about the day. Sometimes it just takes one thing. The gal at the office was so sweet to the kids and told Theodore about everything they get to do. And it's a family pack, so Violet can come too! He wore his new hat proudly back up the hill. Kindergarten is a lion, so basically Theodore was on board just for that. Ben always comes home and saves the day and does something fun with the kids on days like this. He was supposed to go golfing the next day with his friend, but cancelled knowing it wasn't the best idea considering. I would have told him to go if he asked, but he didn't ask, he just did it. He took them out the next morning on a "bear hunt". These are fantastic hikes in the woods. There is usually a picnic involved or a stop for ice cream on the way home. I hate missing out on them, but have come to terms with the fact that it's often more beneficial to use this time to rest in quiet. Beating myself up over missing out doesn't do any good, so I try to avoid it if I can. Later in the day he took the kids with him to a friend's house to help with landscaping. We prepped prior, so the kids could paint rocks while there for something to do. I went for a float and watched a movie on Netflix. I could finally feel some relief that night (thank the Lord). I picked them up and got them in bed. They were the dirtiest children with splotches of paint all over and they went to bed that way. We have to pick our battles, right? Theodore woke up the next morning and started his bath right away knowing it was the day of Lucy's birthday party. Ginny ordered the largest slip n' slide I've ever seen. They played on it all day long and had the best day ever. Midway through the day I rested in Lucy's bed for about an hour. Much needed as I wasn't sure if I was going to make it otherwise. My mom came and got the kids to take them for the night. I purposefully positioned this in the middle of the weekend so that Tuesday when I had them all day I was as rested as possible. And since it's grandma, the kids don't even notice. Grandma is the biggest treat of all. Ben and I also got some time together, which was also needed. Sunday evening we were so wiped out that we just watched tv. I assume this is what most parents with small children do when they finally have some time together? Monday we did go out for lunch and checked out some of the sculptures downtown in the rain.
Tuesday came and I was doing okay. Got us all to the chiropractor late morning and headed to the Children's Museum in the afternoon. Sometimes getting out works better because they are so distracted and there's less whining. It worked out amazingly because we ran into some friends we knew. So they played and played and played. I mostly got to just sit and hang out. Violet played in the kitchen most of the visit and brought me lots of meals with her apron on. I need days like these. Days where the kids see me as the parent who also does fun things with them. When I come with on family outings they are often in shock. Their standard has been set to "mom is going to stay home and rest". It sucks, but their understanding is incredible. They've developed a whole new level of care and compassion. Theodore often says things like, "Mom, you come outside and watch me. You can just sit in the chair and rest while I play." and Violet brings me Salonpas patches in case I need them ;) Sometimes you just have to laugh and smile at the people they are becoming.
I have so much more to say and update on, but will need to write a separate post later.
-Ash
Comments
Post a Comment