Sunshine Journal

Remember in my last blog post how I mentioned letting go. Well, that seems to be something I have to constantly remind myself lately. No one likes to feel like they aren't in control. It's why sometimes we develop hobbies or create weird habits in times of stress. We need to feel in control of something. As you may have already guessed, insurance still hasn't given an answer on my claim. Originally I had though that my doctor could return me to work even if the claim was still being processed. Well, that is no longer the case. So now I'm ready to go back to work, but I can't. They want an answer on my claim first. Sure, it might sound like a nice extended vacation then, but it's not. Expenses continue to add up and I have no income coming in. It's scary. And at some point we aren't going to have enough hugs to give my mom in return for her financial help. Also, it doesn't feel good to have to rely on other people to help you pay bills. I want to do...

Life doesn't always seem to have rhyme or reason. We can try our best to steer it in the right direction, but sometimes we need to let go and sit in the passenger seat. It's a challenge for most, especially those of us who are Type A. Everything should go a certain way and we want to plan it. Though I've never been much of a long-term planner. The future to me is unknown and we'll just see what it brings when we get there. Surprisingly, I actually like surprises even though I'm a bit type A. It's the next day or next week planning that I like to know in advance if possible. And mostly, I wish I could know how I will feel during those times... so I can plan ;) Life doesn't work that way though. Just yesterday I was having some inner dialogue with myself (okay, so this is everyday since I'm alone a lot), but there are moments where it's really apparent that I need to just let go, and let God. I've been mentally and physically prepping myself to t...