Sunshine Journal

ineffable adjective in·​ef·​fa·​ble a: incapable of being expressed in words : INDESCRIBABLE b: UNSPEAKABLE Anything ineffable is unspeakably beautiful, moving, or horrible. It’s beyond expression. If something is so powerful or emotional that you can't even describe it, it’s ineffable. So I left my last post a bit mysterious. It wasn't even intentional. I literally just didn't know what to say or how to explain. I still don't really. But I'm going to try. Let’s start first by acknowledging that I do in fact have a chronic illness. Therefore, it would be common to not feel well. But here’s the deal, I’m often in denial. I grasp onto the good and try to pretend the rest doesn’t exist if at all possible. Or as we discussed earlier, I just keep the bad to myself. I keep saying, “but I’m still better than I was”. This is true. But lately, it’s been creeping a little too close to the past for comfort. Things started shifting over the holidays. January was cr...

Sometimes life looks like this. It’s hard. You can’t fix it like you want to. You just have to live it. I decided to try this new thing and post in the trenches. I don’t have an explanation or a solid plan to give you. It’s just me in my days of hard. Will it get better? Hopefully. Am I sad? Yes. Am I giving each hour my best? Yes. Am I stable? No. But I’m still living and I’ll keep going. And there will be more moments like this (mixed with ones where I dance around my kitchen).