Sunshine Journal

you learn as you go. And now you all have that song in your head ;) I wish I had something positive to say about feeling like crap, but I don’t have it in me today. I kind of feel like I’m living this secret life amongst my own life, a life that involves parasite cleansing. It’s the most non-glamorous thing one can do, or at least up there on the list. It’s straight up gross. And I feel certain very few want to hear about it, so that’s why it’s a secret. And the fact that most probably think it’s bananas and possibly made up. It’s not, I promise you that. I’ve survived two cycles of Ivermectin and one full day of Praziquantel. And as promised, I felt worse during those times. It took me a good three days to recover from Praziquantel. But they did what they were supposed to do, help kill liver flukes, worms, and who knows what else. And if you recognize the medication names, it’s probably because you once gave it to your pet to get rid of their parasites. ...

hope noun 1. a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. When the world says, "give up". Hope whispers, "try it one more time". The last two months have been a whirlwind. I'm sure I'm not alone in this feeling. But hey, we made it to spring and the sun is shining (sometimes)! I'm just going to jump right into the nitty gritty. The last post we left off with heavy metals and me having elevated levels of about 9 kinds. Soon after that I was tested for mycotoxins (mold). We discovered I have three types in my body that are at elevated levels. This isn't the same thing as a mold allergy. This is the kind of mold that has accumulated in your body over time or from an acute exposure. Mycotoxins are naturally occurring in many foods, which we all consume and get exposed to. It can also grow in homes from water damage or excess humidity. Again, there's always going to be some of this happening. But some people are just more...

Remember in my last blog post how I mentioned letting go. Well, that seems to be something I have to constantly remind myself lately. No one likes to feel like they aren't in control. It's why sometimes we develop hobbies or create weird habits in times of stress. We need to feel in control of something. As you may have already guessed, insurance still hasn't given an answer on my claim. Originally I had though that my doctor could return me to work even if the claim was still being processed. Well, that is no longer the case. So now I'm ready to go back to work, but I can't. They want an answer on my claim first. Sure, it might sound like a nice extended vacation then, but it's not. Expenses continue to add up and I have no income coming in. It's scary. And at some point we aren't going to have enough hugs to give my mom in return for her financial help. Also, it doesn't feel good to have to rely on other people to help you pay bills. I want to do...

Life doesn't always seem to have rhyme or reason. We can try our best to steer it in the right direction, but sometimes we need to let go and sit in the passenger seat. It's a challenge for most, especially those of us who are Type A. Everything should go a certain way and we want to plan it. Though I've never been much of a long-term planner. The future to me is unknown and we'll just see what it brings when we get there. Surprisingly, I actually like surprises even though I'm a bit type A. It's the next day or next week planning that I like to know in advance if possible. And mostly, I wish I could know how I will feel during those times... so I can plan ;) Life doesn't work that way though. Just yesterday I was having some inner dialogue with myself (okay, so this is everyday since I'm alone a lot), but there are moments where it's really apparent that I need to just let go, and let God. I've been mentally and physically prepping myself to t...

It's here. 2019. The year where all our dreams come true, right? I'm definitely going to keep trying to make that happen. The last time I wrote I explained the elemental diet I was going to be starting. I am on day 15 of 21! So that's exciting. The end is very near. I knew it was going to be challenging and that has held true. I am, however, so thankful that my doctor allowed me to try eating some food still throughout this. Most people strictly do the drink throughout the full 3 weeks. So each day for a few hour window I am able to eat... from a very limited menu. At this point I'm not even phased by how limited it is, it's food and I get to it eat. Doing this through the holidays definitely heightened some frustrations. Watching people eat whatever they wanted and walking past those darn treat plates. But I got through it and I'm so freaking proud of myself. The first day doing the drink my gut already felt so much better. The constant boating, discomfort,...

I'm sure some of you have been wondering what in the world I've been up to. Am I better yet? Am I working? Is anything helping? I tend to only like reporting when I have something substantial to share. There's been a lot of work being done, it's just not very quantifiable. Try this, try that, this works, that doesn't. When will I be better? I don't know. When will I go back to work? I don't know. I wish I could say yesterday :) How long do I give these new health professionals before I try something else? Despite having setbacks here and there, we are learning a lot together and they have my back. They are with me every step of the way and seem to genuinely care about me. They are also so smart and have come up with things no one else has thus far in this journey. So I don't have a good answer. But right now I'm sticking with them. I know sometimes I may seem so certain something will work. I've clearly had a lot of fails along the way though. ...