Sunshine Journal

It's here. 2019. The year where all our dreams come true, right? I'm definitely going to keep trying to make that happen. The last time I wrote I explained the elemental diet I was going to be starting. I am on day 15 of 21! So that's exciting. The end is very near. I knew it was going to be challenging and that has held true. I am, however, so thankful that my doctor allowed me to try eating some food still throughout this. Most people strictly do the drink throughout the full 3 weeks. So each day for a few hour window I am able to eat... from a very limited menu. At this point I'm not even phased by how limited it is, it's food and I get to it eat. Doing this through the holidays definitely heightened some frustrations. Watching people eat whatever they wanted and walking past those darn treat plates. But I got through it and I'm so freaking proud of myself. The first day doing the drink my gut already felt so much better. The constant boating, discomfort,...

I'm sure some of you have been wondering what in the world I've been up to. Am I better yet? Am I working? Is anything helping? I tend to only like reporting when I have something substantial to share. There's been a lot of work being done, it's just not very quantifiable. Try this, try that, this works, that doesn't. When will I be better? I don't know. When will I go back to work? I don't know. I wish I could say yesterday :) How long do I give these new health professionals before I try something else? Despite having setbacks here and there, we are learning a lot together and they have my back. They are with me every step of the way and seem to genuinely care about me. They are also so smart and have come up with things no one else has thus far in this journey. So I don't have a good answer. But right now I'm sticking with them. I know sometimes I may seem so certain something will work. I've clearly had a lot of fails along the way though. ...

Over a year ago I picked up the book Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant. It spoke to me right away. I got through about half of it sometime ago and then it ended up at the bottom of my book pile. I recently picked it up again and reread some chapters and finished out the ones I hadn't gotten to. It's all so relatable. Sheryl lost her husband. Her kids lost their dad. Her mother-in-law lost her son. Her brother-in-law lost his brother. Their friends lost a friend. And the web goes on. Loss affects many people. We touch many lives in our time here on earth. I could pull something great from every chapter or even page, but today this spoke to me. "But just as grief crashes into us like a wave, it also rolls back like the tide. We are left not just standing, but in some ways stronger. Option B still gives us options. We can still love ... and we can still find joy. I now know that it's possible not just to bounce back but to grow. Would I trade this growth to h...

Note: Many of you don't really care to know what my actual protocol is. So you can stop reading this now if that's the case. As I continue on this lovely journey I've become that slightly annoying patient that asks oodles of questions. My main issue is that I can't always come up with questions on the spot. I'll be emailing later with a list. Absorb information, let it percolate, ask more questions <--- that's me! So now that I've inundated my new clinic with multiple emails, I hope they'll continue to be patient with me. My supplements have now been shipped out and I had a call with the doctor this morning to go through everything with me. So this is what's on the docket: Viral Binder - This will take care of any retroviruses, both at the gut level and cellular level. What is a retrovirus? It's a type of virus where RNA ( ribonucleic acid) is reverse-transcribed into DNA. Typically with viruses it's the other way around, the DNA w...

Hey Friends! I've been a bit absent. October 1st I went back to work part-time. It was challenging and I just kept telling myself that I knew the transition back would be hard. It wasn't the actual work part. That I was able to pick up where I left off and jump in. It was the physical and mental challenge. Fighting the fatigue, the pain, the stress signal going off, my heart racing, the gut distress, and so on. That Thursday I had the day to go to appointments and catch my breath. Friday I decided to work from home. It was then I realized that maybe I needed to transition slower and work from home. I thought maybe eliminating the stress of getting out the door might help. It was still a battle. I had one decent day that week. That Wednesday it was a fight between the couch and being at my computer working. I toughed it out to get my hours in that day. Thursday I had meetings in the office that I really wanted to be at. I crawled my way out the door to make it in time for the ...

I was recently recommended a book called The Last Best Cure: My Quest to Awaken the Healing Parts of My Brain and Get My Body, My Joy and My Life by Donna Jackson Nakazawa. I, of course, looked it up and purchased it right away. The reason I purchased it is because the title and description talked about getting back joy. Yes! I want to know how to do that! As I read through the book I had a million aha moments and was completely entranced by it. It was so much more than I anticipated. The premise of the book is about her journey to get some of her life back. She is riddled with autoimmune illnesses and even had to relearn to walk twice so far in her life because of it. She meets a new doctor at John Hopkins who has a theory that might help her regain some of her joy. They decided to set out a plan for the next year on practices she would do. After the year is up they would retake all the same tests and see where she was at. The journey starts in the doctor's office where Dr. A...

Hello again. So as I stated in part 1, I'm about two months into this protocol that I'm on. The protocol is designed to help eliminate infections, viruses, toxins, heavy metals, and parasites from your body. Some viruses never leave your body, they just go dormant. These can be aggravated again, often from big life events that cause stress and lots of emotion. EBV is a common one that can cause a lot of issues. You have mono early in life, it goes dormant, then comes back wreaking even more havoc on your body later. Most people have parasites, because they're everywhere and contracted easily. But some people don't show symptoms because their bodies have a strong immune system and can fight them off or the symptoms are misdiagnosed as something else. The array of symptoms can be so vast. Skin issues, allergies (environmental and food), digestion issues, anxiety, chronic pain, teeth grinding, to name a few. All of these things I mentioned at the start of this paragraph ...

This has all been quite the adventure. Life in general is though, isn't it? I'm about two months into my protocol now. It's been hard, fascinating, and makes me feel hopeful. Being able to be off of work for awhile has been a tremendous help. This last week Wednesday was really my true start since the long Labor Day weekend the kids were home. They didn't have daycare Friday or Tuesday and since I was already going to be home it didn't make sense to find them a different sitter. Though I'd be lying if I didn't say I was slightly terrified, which is the saddest statement. What mother is nervous about being with their kids all day long. It hit unfortunate timing last week and I got my period end of the week. Which you're all thinking... so? Well, it makes everything so much worse. My whole body is in crippling pain and my usual pain management techniques are worthless. But, we got through it. Friday morning my friend, Christianne, hung out with the kids ...

“I can’t do this.” This plays in my head multiple times a day. Starting with waking in the morning. And then plays, “you have to”, on repeat until I move forward. I’ve been listening to the podcast, “Terrible, Thanks for Asking”. It’s hosted by Nora Mcinerny, who also wrote a book called It’s Okay to Laugh (Crying is Cool Too). I read the book after seeing her host a live show. Stacey Huiras was already a big fan of hers and a few of us tagged along to the show. I had never witnessed a live podcast before, nor did I know that’s what I was going to be seeing when I went. She interviewed some fantastic people, who all made you think harder about life. I’ve only listened to a few podcasts so far, but each one really sits with you. The one I just listened to was about a woman who suffered severe postpartum depression. She was successful in her career and was beyond excited to be a mom. As soon as she had her daughter she didn’t want to be a mom anymore. So sh...

Originally I was going to write a post entitled "Breathing but not alive". And that is a slightly depressing title. But there was a reason for it and still something that I'll probably share at some point. Later on in the day after my mind had calmed itself, I was brought back to an event earlier this week that struck a cord with me. And I thought more about it and how it made me feel. The other night I was driving down to go float. As I did I was thinking about how tired I was and sometimes when driving through town I'm with it and paying attention yet once I get where I'm going I hardly remember how I got there. It's weird. Anyhow, the light turned green and I started to pull out to turn left but looked to my left again as I was doing so. As I looked I saw this car going at regular speed with no intentions of stopping. He ran right through the red light. I slammed on my breaks just in time to not get completely annihilated. All the onlookers honked their h...